Words - Repentance

We are in a series that I have entitled Words

How many of you know that words matter?

The things we say can either build people up or tear people down

In fact, Solomon said in Proverbs 18:21 that the tongue has the power of life and death

Earlier in Proverbs 18 Solomon also gives us this gem -

Proverbs 18:6-7 A fool's lips bring him strife, and his mouth invites a beating. 7  A fool's mouth is his undoing, and his lips are a snare to his soul.

Our words are indeed very important!

In fact, I’m going to say that many, if not most, of the conflicts we have with other people are because of words

Sometimes what we say, and what the other person hears are two totally different things

In fact, we can be using the same exact word and mean completely different things

Let me give you an example -

I’ve done a lot of relationship counseling over the years

It’s not uncommon for a couple to come into my office and when we start digging into the issue one of them will say “we never have anymore”

The other one will look all confused and say “What do you mean? We have fun all the time!”

“Fun” can mean very different things to different people

To me “fun” involves a warm summer afternoon, a long motorcycle ride with my wife sitting behind me, and stopping somewhere along the way for a good meal

To someone else “fun” may mean watching a movie, playing a board game, working out, sitting together and chatting for hours, sitting together and saying nothing, doing chores together, etc.

We use the same exact word, but can often times mean very different things

I see this exact same thing happening within the church

We have these words that we often use frequently, yet there is misunderstanding about what these words actually mean

What I am doing in this series is taking a look at some of these words and offing a central definition so we all know what we are talking about

The word we are going to explore today is the word Repentance

We see this word, or it’s other form “repent,” over and over in the pages of Scripture

The New Testament starts off early using this word

Matthew 3:1-2 In those days John the Baptist came, preaching in the Desert of Judea 2  and saying, "Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is near."  

Repentance was the central theme of Jesus’ message

In the next chapter of Matthew we read  

Matthew 4:17 From that time on Jesus began to preach, "Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is near."

In Mark Chapter 6 Jesus sent His disciples out with the same central message

Mark 6:12-13 They went out and preached that people should repent. 13  They drove out many demons and anointed many sick people with oil and healed them.

On the Day of Pentecost the Apostle Peter was preaching his great sermon to a huge crowd and his message was

Acts 2:38 ... "Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. And you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.

In the book of Revelation Jesus tells John to write to the church at Ephesus and say this

Revelation 2:4-5 Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken your first love.

5  Remember the height from which you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first. If you do not repent, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place.

It is undeniable that repentance is one of the central messages in Scripture

But, what does it mean?

Many people look at repentance and think of being sorry

Although being sorry is a part of repenting, it is way more than that!

We all know that you can say you’re sorry without meaning it

We’ve all done that

We force our kids to do it - “tell them you’re sorry!” (not saying that’s necessarily a bad thing, it teaches good manners and concern for others)

But saying you’re sorry, even if you mean it, does not mean that you have actually repented

The Apostle Paul had something to say about this

2 Corinthians 7:8-10 Even if I caused you sorrow by my letter, I do not regret it. Though I did regret it--I see that my letter hurt you, but only for a little while-- 9  yet now I am happy, not because you were made sorry, but because your sorrow led you to repentance. For you became sorrowful as God intended and so were not harmed in any way by us. 10  Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death.

Here’s what Paul is saying - being sorry can lead to repentance, which leads to salvation

Being sorry is part of the process, but only part

And notice that Paul says Godly sorrow brings repentance, but worldly sorrow brings death

What’s the difference?

I think that the difference could lie in 2 places

The first is:

What are you sorry for?

Are you sorry that you got caught?

Some people are grateful that they got caught

Others not so much

Some even try to get out if it by claiming that they are sorry, but their sorrow is far from genuine

Are you sorry that there are consequences for your actions?

“I’m sorry that I was speeding” when the reality is “I’m sorry that my speeding resulted in a fine”

Are you sorry that your actions negatively affected someone else?

This, in my opinion, is the beginning of Godly sorrow

The second difference between Godly sorrow and worldly sorrow is this:

What are you going to do about it?

In my opinion, for genuine sorrow to be present there are actions required

The first thing that I think you need to do is own it

What do I mean by that?

What I mean is don’t make excuses for what you did

I’ve run into so many people that will say that they are sorry, but then immediately follow it up with “but the only reason I did it was because …:

“I know I shouldn’t have said that, but if you hadn’t made me mad I wouldn’t have said it”

Here’s the problem with excuses

If you’re making an excuse for your actions then you don’t think you did anything wrong - it’s not your fault that you behaved badly, their actions caused you to do it

If you don’t think you’ve done anything wrong then you’re really not sorry

If you’re really not sorry then you can’t repent

If you can’t repent, then you are in a world of hurt!

Yes, sometimes people do rotten things to you

But just because they did something rotten doesn’t make it okay for me to retaliate

I can’t always control what other people do to me

However, I have full control over how I respond to what people do to me

I’ve had loved ones of addicts say to me “I hope I don’t make them drink or use”

You won’t - it’s their choice whether or not they drink or use

If they want to get wasted then they will be looking for any excuse they can find to get wasted - and trust me, there are always excuses

No, you won’t cause them to get wasted. You can cause them to get stressed or get angry, but how they react to that stress or anger is entirely up to them

Someone may cause you to get stressed, angry, anxious, scared, whatever - but how you respond to that is totally up to you

If you are making excuses for your actions then you are not sorry - stop making excuses and own it

On a side note - If you are someone that can never admit that they are wrong it is also impossible for you to truly be sorry

Most of the people I’ve met that never admit they are wrong or constantly make excuses don’t realize that they do it

How can you know if you are someone that is always making excuses or never admits that they are wrong?

Ask someone you trust and receive what they say

If they say to you “yes, you are someone that never admits that they are wrong” and you reply with “no I’m not!” then you just proved their point

Self discovery is never easy, but it’s a critical component of learning, growing, and maturing

So, to really be sorry you need to own your actions -

“Yes, I did that and it was wrong, I’m sorry”

The next thing that we need to do is change

If I am truly sorry for what I’ve done then I will take action to make sure it doesn’t happen again

I can say that I am sorry and truly feel bad for what I’ve done

I can own my mistake totally and completely

This is being sorry, and that is good

But it’s not repentance

Remember that 2 Corinthians says Godly sorrow leads to repentance

So, what exactly is repentance?

Repentance comes from the Greek word metanoia which means change of mind

To repent means that you have had a change in your thinking

You realize that what you did was wrong - wrong enough that you want to make a change

Until you really, truly desire to change you have not repented

How do I know if I really want to change, if I have had that change in my thoughts?

I know that it’s happened if my actions match up with my desire to change

It takes more than wanting to change, you need to do something about it

The actions are not always easy

We mess up, we slip, we fall, we make mistakes

But the key is getting back up and going forward

Paul said that Godly sorrow brings repentance which leads to salvation

How does that work?

My best efforts aren’t good enough

I can’t do it on my own

I’m sorry for trying it on my own and surrender totally to God